Post by ribbit on Nov 22, 2012 17:41:07 GMT
What do you call a dwarf who falls into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
Wee Shooey.
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't find
his dog ?
Wee Shooey Douglas.
A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
'Doctor , Doctor! He cries , 'you've got to help me, I feel like I'm turning into coconut'
Says the doctor, 'You're bountae '
What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.
There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays?
The wan wi a wee calf.
The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
'Fur ma roon shooders'
Hear about the stupit skindiver?
He didny have a scuba.
Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow Mafia?
Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler
What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?
Gumpty Singh
A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been
given a part in the school play. 'Wonderfu. Whit part is it?' she asks
The boy says, ' I play the part of the Scottish husband ' .
The mother scowls and says,
'Go back an' tell that teacher you want a speaking part!
A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the
baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal, and asked if
the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
'Breast fed,' she replied.
Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did.
He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts for a
while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed he said, 'No wonder this baby is under
weight. You don't have any milk !'
I know,' she said, 'ah'm only his Granny, but noo I'm glad I came son!'
A wee woman from Glasgow 's West End was staying in a hotel in Edinburgh , she phoned room service for some pepper.
'Black pepper, or white pepper?' asked the concierge.
'Toilet pepper!' yelled the woman
